A conversation….for dads to have

It has been a rollercoaster of emotions this year and my goodness has it been a wild ride. Back surgery, a child born, my mother passed away, I started a new position, at a new job, with new people learning new surroundings. I ended up with blood clots in each of my lungs. It has just been lunacy longtime. Anyway, lets get to the meat and potatoes of why we are here…..a conversation-for dads to have with their son.

I had this conversation today with my son. This is how it went……”you know…I know I am hard on you sometimes, but that is because I am your dad (typical statment for a dad to make, bear with me). I don’t ever want you to feel that you fucked something up just because it didn’t work out, or you didn’t get the promotion, or you drink on accident-or whatever it is-these are called experiences. I cannot promise I was a good teenager, I cannot promise I am good at half the shit I do now, I am constantly looking for reassurance and atta boys, even when I don’t feel like I am…”

conversation resumes a little later….

“You know, I really miss my dad-a lot. He taught me a lot of cool shit, but to be honest….I was thinking about it the last couple of days and you know what…..it is time to quit whining about my dad being gone, and show you some of the the cool shit he showed me”.

And that is where the day took a turn for me. I was upset about my parents being gone, but instead of dwelling on it, I did some stuff they would want to do with some time off, or even fit into their day. So I wrote some music, and some lyrics….I messed around on the piano. I turned the video games on for about 5 minutes and decided that I didn’t feel like doing that today-I wanted to be creative first, then maybe play some games. I didn’t even put anything to paper to be honest, I messed around with my keyboard and figured that out-so that I have yet one more weapon in my musical arsenal.

It was hard though, having that first birthday without hearing happy birfday bobe from my dad, or hearing my mom sing happy birthday to me for the first time in 44 years. Man we had a good run. Listen, folks….gone are the days of our parents teaching us shit. The kids are learning how to survive on fucking youtube videos and by watching the news. Gun violence is high because our children are in possession of illegal firearms because THEY ARE FUCKING SCARED!!! And what do we do about it? Shrug it off, go to work, mow our lawns on Sunday, and give fuck all because thats what we do….and thats the sad truth. I should have been mushroom hunting after the rain, or riding the Harley all day on my birthday, or drawing dicks on the windows of downtown Kalamazoo……not dwelling over my dead parents.

Show your kids something in your lifetime. Something they will NEVER forget. Because all of the things that I am missing currently about my parents, is one more opportunity I have to show my children “why” I miss my parents….instead of just saying that I do.

Stay strong, Stay Sober, Stay Focused-See you on the next one.

Gumballhead/