A Lot To Digest!

Know what. Im just going to say it.

So tired of everyone asking me if I am doing okay. So here is your answer.

No! I am not okay.

No! There is NOTHING you can do to change it, or help me. THIS is depression, this is anxiety, this is mental health vulnerability. This is real life shit. And this happens to almost everyone.

Been off meds for almost a month, I am reducing my caffeine and nicotine substantially, I feel worthless and I am terrified. Doesn’t mean I cannot still help, I KNOW these symptoms, my wife will TELL YOU I acknowledge when I am feeling this way. She works hard to get ME through it. She is good at what SHE does, because she UNDERSTANDS! Does it make my message or my intent any less valuable? NO!

Just proves that I am capable of admitting when I am feeling this way, it wasn’t easy to get to this point. It was NECESSARY but not easy.

Quitting chewing has been the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I know it is the absolute LAST pricey vice I need to ditch, and it isn’t going well. But down around a can and a half from 2 weeks ago (overall, about a can per day) so theres that.

Tie it into all the other shit and you get a grumpy gus….intermittently but grumpy all the same. I am in a funk-sue me. I am at a low point, fill in the hole and I will climb out, I don’t need a handout, just a shovel and less shit! That’s all I am asking.

THIS IS REAL TALK FOLKS!!!! This is growth, wouldn’t it be wonderful if your partner could express this to you. And they reciprocated with something aside from negative feedback? If your partner is NOT willing to hold your hand and help, they aren’t the one for you. Take it from me…….when I met my wife-there was no way I would even FATHOM pooping with the door open, she makes me hold her hand sometimes when she does it. THATS LOVE.

I have an amazing support group. I thrive on compliments and she is never short of them. Yes, I know “Follow your own advice sometimes” even when I try, I don’t do so well. So if you haven’t heard from me in a while-perhaps be a pal and go check out all the things I HAVE been working on. I have been VERY BUSY and here is a brief list.

Tik Tok:

Started Marketing and will be dropping one hell of a marketing spiel on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. It affects ALL of my platforms.

Podbean:

Now my podcasts are available on Amazon Prime Music and Podbean. I am slowly uploading all the old stuff from back in the day.

Since returning 2 weeks ago, I am up 10 followers and I have been dowloaded almost 400 times since I came back after a 3 year hiatus.

Working on adding to Tidal as well as a couple other platforms.

Soundcloud:

Rennen and I haven’t been writing much music lately. He has been focusing on getting ready for Marlea to get here, and Rush, well she just likes to dance…..

Facebook:

Please follow AND friend my gumball head page. I cannot keep you up to the minute if you are just a follower.

I will have a store up and running soon, will be a link to the website. It is for my commissions and artwork. I would like to start selling my wares.

**NOTE**

ALL CHRISTMAS ORDERS are due by NOV 15th to ensure holiday shipping. If you have a unique gift that you want to give this holiday season, or a unique story behind something such as a concert ticket, or an old boot…..I want to help you turn it into a never before, never will again gift!

Reddit:

Still doing reddit…..but stepped away as it isn’t as focused or useful as it once was

Instagram:

Will start simulcasting my Podbean on Instagram and Facebook.

Linked In:

Still raising hell. HUGE response this past week. I am now broadcasting there as well.

GrrCon:

Was awesome. Good presentation, great feedback AND I am not afraid to speak in front of groups apparently.

And a lot more. I am dropping a new program in the next month or so called “Helping Heroes Heal” as well as bringing back Refuge Recovery Kalamazoo. This has been asked for by a handful of the old crew, and I want to bring it back. It helped me alot then, and I have only grown since.

Long post-noone will read, if you made it this far….go to the linktree in my bio, go to tik tok and follow me. If you are already following me there, find a platform you don’t follow me on and send me a DM to let me know you followed me. I am marketing on my other platforms as well.

This started as an emotional post, but I am driven to be as transparent as possible. I have worked my ASS off to get to where I am in hopes that this next chapter, will have a sustainable income in addition to what I am bringing home, while using my brain instead of my hands. Both still work, just one gets used more than the other now that I am married (it’s a joke folks)

So yeah-can’t fix it if you aren’t honest with yourself….

Stay strong;

Stay focused;

Stay Sober!

Stay tuned, plenty more coming your way. Don’t knock the hustle-I have gone to great lengths to screw up enough for you to live vicariously through me. Don’t let this opportunity go to waste. Also, if you know someone who is struggling with their mental health, addiction, getting a business off the ground, self-confidence issues, PTSD or anything intellectually or psychologically related, suggest the gumball head page-your one stop destination for Mental Health Matters of all forms