Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Hey everyone, it’s GBH. I hope everyone is doing well and I wanted to kind of put into perspective some stuff real quick about the upcoming year for Gumball Head, and clue everyone into the mission for 2024.

As you all know, I did some travelling this year…..actually a LOT of travelling. Airports, road trips, Harley rides etc. This of course due to the adventure we have taken on as a family, and my departure from my previous company. One of the worst things about this, is staying away from my family over night. Things have definately improved, but those days will be returning soon.

My wife asked me the other day if I was okay. Not an uncommon inquiry, but was at a very……interesting time. At that moment, she caught me off guard, and my response for the first time in a very long while was of course “no”. I don’t say that when it comes to my mental health, or the inside of my head very often, because even when I am upset, or articulating something inside my head-I am at the very least “OKAY” at any given moment.

Her inquiry stunned me actually. Because for a moment-I wondered what I was showing, what was my face saying, body language…..eyes….lip quiver….wtf does she see. Ironically, it wasn’t a “see” thing, nor was it a hear, feel or smell thing (that happens-don’t be fooled). Apparently, my exhuberence was exuding, but the play off, wasn’t working. Numbers, logistics, quantifiers, statistics, sales, inbound shipments, licenses, staff, 44 million dollars worth of issues-has recently plagued my mind……

We are in the process of stepping from my safety net. For the first time in my life, I am moving for a company, and I am fucking terrified. I have moved a few hundred miles away when I was in my 20’s. That wasn’t a major gig, we were pretty close to home when that happened, and the oldest 2 were super young anyway…..that and my parents were still alive. So, there were reasons to travel back and forth. My parents are dead now, if you were wondering. Don’t worry about the “I’m so sorry” stuff……I actually handle death of close people very well believe it or not.

SO, the overnights suck….especially where there are multiples strung along. But, I will say-it is way better than staying in a hotel full of baseball players during the world series. I can at least sleep when I am home. Away, I just struggle. Not comfortable, hotel beds……if you travel for work, or if you are a mattress maiden-you know exactly what I mean. Here’s a hint-if you a ho, you know. Anyway…..onto the nexts.

Relocation is terrifying. I have a house to sell, a business to run, a family to relocate, a payroll to obvserve, shrink/swell…….and everything else I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. I will get to it, hold on.

I have spent the last several nights in my studio/office at home, existing. Now-usually I have Tik Tok to keep me company, and I get to have some fun with that. But once all that fun was over because people sometimes sleep…….I just kept going. Light an incense, write a song, check my email, look at the website, check out recruiting processes and hiring trends. Organize my LSW for the week upcoming, allocate funds here, there and everywhere. You know-it seems you spend a lot more money-when you make a lot more money. I just want to know…..how the fuck that happens.

As I sit here, frantically typing so that I may go onto the next task that is in my proverbial day planner inside my head, I am thinking about all of the upcoming events in our life-and I just want to say. Breaking up IS hard to do. I have been in this home for 17 years. I moved in 5 months after a bankrupcy discharge, and 10 days after my divorce from my first wife was final. If you want the depth of all of the information, it will be divulged in my bood being released on Cardboard Curtains Publishing company in Feb.

But you probably have an idea of what I have done here, if you know anything about me. My kids were raised here, I have brought babies home, and I have had a lot of wives here…..

Three is the number okay-THREE! in just this house alone. I have had incremental progress, successful acquisition of intellect, made up words, I have puked SO MANY TIMES here, yelled at kids, been arrested, rebuilt/destroyed/rebuilt, gone broke, became a millionaire, lost it all, back on that path now….but when it all comes down to it…..I am not just breaking up with my area, I am breaking up with the histroy my CHILDREN have as well.

My youngest child, Marlea, was born 3 weeks ago today. This was an unexpected occurance, but would not have it any other way. Once I found out about her coming, I made sure to start planning-then. I had just heard about me losing my job about 2 weeks after finding out we were going to have another child. Losing that job was one of the most painful, but best experiences I have ever had. It taught me what not to do, how to maintain my integrity-even to the last day. How to still be a leader and not even be there. I still give advice to some of the people that I worked with. Two of them will possibly be working for me in the next few months. It is up to them.

But, all that aside-my wife and I have always lived our relationship, and even our friendship, like our hair was on fire. We have punished each other, pushed each other, hugged, kissed, yelled, hissed, spit, hollered, and embraced for HOURS. We have come close to calling it quits just in the short time we have been married-but the truth is, I don’t want to go through shit in life without her. I have had some wonderful women in my past. Some I have hurt, some I have never spoken to again, some I recently had to say goodbye to (mind you-when I say women, it isn’t all bedmates, I am not THAT guy).

When someone dies-that is a divorce of existence. All of the memories made with that person cease immediately. Then, all you have left is those memories. I know I am in a handful of memories. I do my best to maintain that integrity everywhere I go. In all relationships, business partnerships, friendships, parenting-everything. The absolute hardest part of that, is acknowledging that you were wrong, or that you have to make an admission, while making amends.

That being said-THe Nuclear Beauty Parlor and Gumball Head Studios “Buddha Den” will be going off air for a little while, and we will return after the first of the year. I will keep everyone updated via the tok and facebook page of our journeys. Folks, this is what marriage is about-sacrifice, communication, fear of the unknown. Ultimately, it is a partnership between two people, who have no business being together, and making that shit work. The break up from the house, will be healed with happy tears, new memories, and new moments with my new family. To all of you whom follow-Happy Holidays, Happy New Year.

From all of us at GBHKZOO: Stay strong; Stay focused; Stay Sober!

I love you, keep going~!