Drunk In A Drivethru

I recently had a revelation while driving through a McDonalds drive through that really brought some attention to my world.

I stopped at a McDonalds yesterday as I had a hankering for their famous “Coke”. I didn’t want a full one, but I also didn’t want to spend over a dollar for a child size. I got a small. Stay with me here…..

I sat there waiting for my small Coke and was flushed with memories of blurry eyes in the rain/snow as I eagerly awaited the beverage to touch my lips after swallowing the last drop of alcoholic beverage of my choice during the trip that day. Often times, it was a fifth of Belvedere and if I had timed it right, I could get my food, drink my coke and get home before my buzz started affecting my body. This was years leading up to 2017 when I walked away from copious ingestion.

I sat there, blurry eyed only due to exhaustion this time. Not because I had a belly full of booze. MCD was my go to for a cheap meal after an expensive drink. I used to drink upwards of 2 fifths per day often with a quart of beer in the afternoon, or a smaller and more portable bottle to ensure the buzz lasted until bed time. I worked about 5 hours yesterday for myself (well-for the family but you know what I mean) and it was fulfilling as hell. If I had still been drinking like I used to-my take home would have been affected about 40 bucks. The trip thru the drive through cost me a couple of bucks….far cry from the days of old.

I took one large drink from the cup, then placed it in the cupholder-only to be ignored until later in the evening when I went to the car with my 4 year old who asked about it. I decided to let the kids have the drink as I knew they would appreciate it. It sat overnight on the kitchen table despite multiple opportunities for me to consume during my lengthy gaming session.

This morning, the kids were eating pop tarts and #RENNYTOK mentioned he was thirsty-so I offered up the Coke on the table. Not the best parental move, but the kids eat relatively healthy when I am not home. Their mom is good at ensuring nutritional balance, and lets be honest-dad rules because of Dad’s Rules! Not the best option-but it is not a common occurrance in our home for me to offer silly stuff like pop tarts and soft drinks.

I said out loud (as mentioned in my facebook post) “I gotta be the worst dad ever” only to be met with “no-you’re the BEST dad ever” by 2/3 of my kids (the 2 year old doesn’t really talk a lot yet and half the time she is off in her own little world). This really hit home for me as I watched them (with a smile on my face) munch on Tarts and share the straw of sugary deliciousness. Sometimes, it is okay to break the rules.

Years ago-If I had made that statement about being a bad parent, there would be confirmation. Because, well frankly I was a crappy dad in the past. I can’t get that time back, but doing little things now make me feel like I am doing something right. While I miss the opportunities of the past, I am thankful for the experiences that I did have. It helps me to appreciate the children more now as opposed to being drunk all the time and hoping someone else will take care of things.

My wife and older kids have been integral in my growth and continued sobriety. I am transparent with my consumption when I do drink these days, but I definately am not a liar like I once was. I also like the fact that if something comes up, there is no fear of driving drunk or putting people in harms way in the event an emergency happens. Life sure does throw us curve balls sometimes….even if it is flashbacks to being drunk in the drive thru of a McDonalds.

Stay Strong; Stay Focused; Stay Sober

Erick.